Second Chances
by crazyforedwardrn
Summary: What do you do when your life falls apart, when Bella loses Edward it will take everything she has to start again. Second Chances is a story of lives rebuilt, lives changed but not always for the better and finally, of love lost and regained.
1. Love Lost

I pushed the door open quickly and stumbled into the bathroom. My face was already hot and flushed and I knew the tears would not be far behind. As I pushed open the door of the closest stall they began to fall one after another down my cheeks.

_Great, I thought, just what I needed._

I was never one of those people who cried and looked beautiful doing it. No, not me, my nose ran, my eyes got puffy and red and even if it had only been for 5 minutes, I ended up looking like a train wreck. Well today at least that was appropriate, I actually _felt_ like a train wreck. I had to admit the only thing about crying that looked well on me was my eye color. My eyes were a non-descript brown, I would describe them as muddy, but when I cried or became upset they seemed to deepen in color, like a beautiful deep dark chocolate. He used to swear that…_No, wait, STOP, don't go there my mind screamed at me, you promised you wouldn't do this to yourself today._

_OK, OK…breathe…once more…better. _

Anyway my eyes have always betrayed me but when I cried I felt like you could see to the very heart of me through my eyes, all my emotions right there on the surface. Yet another great reason not to be crying right now….

I didn't need to share my heart with anyone today.

--

I sat down on the toilet lid and grabbed for a bunch of toilet paper.

_God, why was this stuff always so rough, you'd think a place like this would have better. _

_Ha, Ha, very funny Bella._

Even in the direst of circumstances my sarcasm kicked in.

_Here you sit complaining about TP. _

I shook my head in disgust. I knew that I only had a few more minutes to myself togetheruntil they all came looking for me; it was inevitable that I would not be left alone today. I sat then for a few more moments savoring the quietness, wiping the few wayward tears that had escaped from my weary eyes and made their slow path down my face.

_God, to just be able to stay here, to never move again, think again…what I wouldn't give for that luxury._

I could hear the whisper of the ceiling fan as it spun lazily around and around on its axis, the soft murmur of voices seeping in from under the door, and faintly oh so faintly if I held my breathe, I picked up on the soft notes of a piano drifting down from the vent above me.

_Oh God, oh shit, _that was all it took_…_

The tears started falling faster and I felt a sob rip from my throat. My shoulders began to shake and I felt as if my body was going to shatter into a million tiny pieces. Images flashed through my mind, fragmented and unfocused, each one piercing me to my core. I was finally going to loose it…

_How had I gotten to this point, I was so happy, we…we were so happy. _

The part of my mind that I relied on to be no-nonsense and in control clicked on:

_Get it together Bella, you can do this, you are not going to fall apart into a sniveling mess. _

I tried to calm my breathing; I shuddered once, then again, my breaths coming out in little sobs. Deep breath…again… one more time. My head was aching and I felt like my bones would not withstand the weight of my body.I shakily stood to my feet, waited until the stall stopped spinning and gingerly pushed open the door. Thanks god no one else had come in. I walked over to the endless bay of mirrors and surveyed the damage.

_Not too bad, not too pretty either, but man look at those eyes._

Sheesh, even at my most distracted my inner monologue was being funny. I rummaged through my bag searching for my lip gloss and noticed my mascara and eyeliner were in there as well. Huh, I don't remember…_Alice._ I should have known, she must have stuck them in last minute before we left this morning. For once I was thankful for her meddling. I was never the slave to fashion as she was but I did want to appear collected and put together today even if it killed me.

_That can be arranged, my mind taunted me _

_Great, I thought, now I have moved on to suicidal fantasies. Everyone watch out…keep the sharp objects away from Bella…_

I tried to reapply the mascara and finally just gave up. I dabbed some gloss on my lips, smoothed down my long brunette tresses and gave myself the once over.

The dark blue of my dress made my normally pale skin look almost translucent this morning but it still was flattering.

_For you dear…always for you_, I thought, before quickly stopping myself.

I let out a sigh and turned away to go.

"HOLY CRAP ALICE, you scared me!"

There she sat, prim, proper, not a thread out of place.

Alice was quietly sitting in the alcove of the bathroom, her tiny little feet tucked up underneath her, an expression of confusion across her pretty little face.

"How long have you been sitting there" I asked reluctantly.

"Long enough"

_Great, I can't even fall apart without someone knowing._

I focused my attention back on Alice and noticed she was still staring at me but had changed her expression, it was now THE LOOK… the one she reserved, I swore, only for me. Her eyes were squinted ever so slightly but you could see the fire starting to build behind them, a slow burn that you did not want to be on the other end of.

"Isabella Marie ..."

"STOP, STOP, don't say it, Alice, please not today".

For a second I watched her falter as she realized what I meant. She understood but started again anyway, "Why do you insist on being so self-sufficient, so strong, you have to do everything your way. Today of all days Bella really, you are hurting my feelings."

She stopped, her face reflecting her emotion. I immediately felt guilty and rushed over to where she was sitting. "Oh, Alice. I'm sorry," I said as I sat down wearily next to her. "It's just….I feel that if I can do this, if I can just make it through the next hour, I'll be able to see if I can make it through the night, then tomorrow….I'll be able to see if I can be OK again."

Alice grabbed my hand and squeezed, "Me too, she whispered, me too".

I turned my body and we grabbed each other in a fierce hug, Alice's spiky hair gently tickling my nose. "I forget that I'm not alone Alice, I forget that I'm not the only one here that…the only one that..," my voice faltered off.

"Shh, shh, don't say anything else; I didn't come in here with the intention of making you feel worse." She released my shoulders gently and then sat back in her seat once again. "You look terrible"

I burst out with a laugh and my hand instantly flew up to cover my mouth, the shock evident in my eyes. "It's OK to laugh, Bells" Alice said.

I slowly took my hand down from my mouth and looked at Alice

"Why thanks, thanks a lot Alice, I didn't think I looked _that_ bad." Alice reached across me and grabbed my purse, "Give it here, I can fix it, you were never very good with all this stuff." She pawed through my purse, mumbling under breath about my total lack of makeup know-how.

A few minutes later when Alice deemed me presentable we stood up and holding hands walked toward the bathroom door. "Everyone's waiting outside, are you going to be OK?" Alice questioned.

"I thought Esme and Carlisle were going to come in her with me at first but I convinced them that I could bring you out on my own."

_Good 'ol Alice, tiny but determined and oh so full of herself._

It was then that I stopped in my tracks and let out a gasp as my mind caught up to what she said

Carlisle…Esme…everyone else right outside that door

Alice noticed and stopped from opening the door.

"Um, Alice, I'm not so sure I _can_ do this" I stammered.

"What, go out there?"

"Yeah and face everyone, especially Esme and Carlisle."

Alice gave me a sympathetic look and squeezed my hand.

How can I stand there and look into their faces… look into _his_ face. Carlisle so closely resembled the face that I saw in my head a hundred times a day. The same face I knew I would never see again, the face that I would never run my fingers across…

_How did I ever think that I could do this_ , I stupidly scolded myself. The knowledge that I would never see him again ran through my mind over and over. I would never see _him…_

my beautiful, talented, compassionate Edward again…my husband…my Edward.


	2. First Glance

3 years ago

"You guys ready back there?" Edward asked

"When are we not ready" I joked back, "Aye, Aye, Captain, take her away"

A low chuckle could be heard over the mic system as we lifted off towards our destination. We were headed about a ½ hour away toward a small community hospital to pickup and transport a sick infant. Myself and the respiratory therapist were anxious to get there and back. My legs were doing their normal dance, bouncing up and down a thousand times. On top of that I was feeling unusually restless today as I watched the scenery out the window of the small A-Star helicopter. I didn't know why, but I felt like how you do before you go on vacation or a great night out, you can't wait for it to start. The flight passed quickly and Edward's, our pilot, voice came over the system again,

"About 5 minutes to the hospital, you all ready?" I was about to repeat my earlier joke when he stopped me in mid breath and said, "I know, I know…you're _always _ready"

_Whoa a guy who could read my mind , had a great sense of humor and a voice that should be bottled up and sold as an aphrodisiac_, _God I love the sound of_ _his voice; I could listen to him all day._ My face instantly became hot and I blushed underneath my visor, I knew no one could see my face but still I was happy that he couldn't see me from where he sat.

_Geez Bella, fawning over the new pilot, just drool all over him why don't you, that would make a good first impression_…the rambling in my head was interrupted though before it could get any worse by the sound of the real thing that I was obsessing over

"Why thank you Bella"

I snapped out of my reverie,"uh...thanks for what?"

"The compliment...on my voice…"

_GAH, had I actually said that out loud? Quick Bella say something witty, play it off…_

But sadly nothing came to mind and I spit out a quick, "um...welcome?"

_bells, that was witty...sheesh…way to go, I-da-ho_

Luckily I was saved as his attention was drawn elsewhere in preparation for landing. We landed safely, and as I climbed out of the helicopter I was desperate not to make eye contact with him if at all possible. I figured if I could just make it inside I could get a hold of myself and be ready to face him when we came back out. I rejoiced in my new plan as I made my way around the front of the helicopter and ran smack into him.

Shortest plan in history

_Strike two Bells, keep it up_

He reached out his arm to make sure I didn't fall and it felt like I had just touched a live wire, the electricity shot down my arm and made my insides a puddle of goo.

_HOLY HELL, what was that?_

I didn't dare look at him, I didn't utter a word, I hurriedly went around him and help unload the equipment while trying to control my breathing and not look like a total tard. As we made our way to the entrance I ran ahead and opened the door, my jaw about hit the floor when I looked back and saw Edward following us in.

The pilots usually hung out at the aircraft doing uh, whatever it is that pilot's did.

"You bored today Edward?" I asked, _I couldn't believe I even was able to say that_

"Just wanted to watch you ladies in action, that is, if you don't mind"

He then proceeded to dazzle me with a smile so crooked and beautiful I once again was rendered speechless. _Dammit...there's that blush_ _again, how does he do that …and look at him, is he is actually smirking at me….what the hell?_

By now we were through the door and heading down the hallway. I was walking behind everyone else mainly so I wouldn't have to talk to him and also to stare at the back of him.

_My, my, my, what a fine…_

My brain clicked back on just in time as the doctor came around the corner. I switched into nursing mode, pushing my new found fantasy man out of my head and I quickly fell into my own little world revolving around babies, IV's, and X-rays.

It never ceased to amaze me how I could work in a field that brought me into contact with blood and not freak out, now if that blood was coming out of me, that was another story. Luckily for me today the bloodletting was already done and I was focusing on my assessment and discussion of X-rays with the physician.

Out of the corner of my eye though I could see Edward leaning up against a wall out of the way, casually observing the surroundings. Every so often he would flip his phone open, smile, and then shut it again.

_Probably texting his girlfriend…_

_Whoa, wait a minute, where did that thought come from and why would I even care? Seriously bells, get it together, this is so not going to happen between you two_

I kicked myself mentally and got back to the job at hand. My mind though was slowly betraying me and had other ideas, one being sneaking peeks at how his hair looked. That wonderful unruly mess of bronzed perfection, made even more so by the fact he had removed his helmet and it was in total disarray. My hands were itching to walk over there and just run my fingers through it…I chuckled to myself, _I wonder what he would do if I did just that._

Good Lord what was wrong with me today, I was never this unfocused. I resolutely turned myself around, determined to ignore the bronze god lounging in the corner.

The mother of the baby I was taking was at her infant's bedside by now. I collected my paperwork and walked over to greet her. Silent tears were falling down her face as she stared at her precious baby. My arm immediately went around her shoulders, my paperwork all but forgotten. I bent my head close to her ear and whispered quietly, "Your baby is so beautiful, I can already tell how very much you love him." I didn't want to whisper words of false hope so I stuck to what I did know; a mother's love was all encompassing, could tackle the greatest of problems and never failed. I stayed standing by her side, both of us lost in thought while looking at the little one she was now entrusting into my care. As I watched the steady up and down rise of his little chest I felt the sudden urge to look up. When I did I was met by the piercing stare of two of the loveliest green eyes staring at me from across the room. He held my gaze for a moment, a look I could not describe flashed across his eyes. He broke contact first and the suddenly walked away back out into the hallway.

I finished up my paperwork, gave myself another mental shake to get it together and we were ready to leave. We were soon backing out at the helipad and were loading up when he appeared around the front of the helicopter with that same look on his face.

"How do you do that?" he asked suddenly.

_I was just thinking the same thing about you an hour ago _I wanted to say but instead took the safe route and in true smart ass fashion said, "Do what…tighten a strap, well first you...

I was cut off by his hand on my arm and suddenly I couldn't breathe anymore, _why does that_ _keep happening?_

I looked up at him and could see that he was all business.

"What you did in there with that mom…that was...that was…"

I could tell he was having a hard time finding the right words but I wanted to hear the whatever he was going to say come directly from him so I prompted him along,

"That was what?"

"Well, I'm not used to that…I guess I see everyone hurrying about, focused on time and how long everything is taking, that it took me by surprise to see you stop everything and just spend time with the mom."

"Oh," was all I could say.

Once again I was lost in the intensity of his eyes looking down at me. I couldn't even form a coherent thought except _Thank God my partner was here to handle the rest of the loading_, I was useless. This time I broke the stare only to catch myself watching the wind gently play with his hair. It had pushed pieces of it into his eyes and without even a second thought I reached up my hand to brush it away. He beat me to it and ran his own hands where mine longed to be. I quickly recovered by stretching my arms out to mask what I had almost done. The moment was over and time once again resumed its normal pace. Rational thought returned to my head just in time to scold me

_Smooth Bella, really smooth._

The rest of the flight back I was too busy with my patient and didn't even look up from my charting until it was time to land. As we unloaded for the last time and made our way off the pad I once more could feel his eyes on me.

_Don't turn around, don't turn around my brain chanted at me._

This time my brain wasn't the one betraying me, it was my body, and I sneaked a peak over my shoulder. Just then I stepped into a pothole and would have landed on my butt if I hadn't had such a death grip on the stretcher. My face burning yet once again.

_this must be a record day for blushing_

I righted myself and continued on my way, not even daring to look again.

_Screw it; I was going to walk in with at least some of my pride left_

The last sound I heard as I entered the hospital was laughter… his. It was loud and joyous and despite my embarrassment at him seeing what I had almost done, it was music to my ears.

**A/N**: Like it still? Let me know….come chat over on the Second Chances thread


	3. The Last Goodbye

Alice and I stepped out of the bathroom and were met by Esme and Carlisle first.

I avoided eye contact with everyone figuring until I felt more confident that was my best hope. As if they could read my mind they both stepped forward and without saying a word gathered me into them in a wordless hug, we stood for there for a moment and Esme pulled away first while Carlisle held me a bit longer. It was if he knew I hadn't felt strong arms around me in awhile. I breathed in the scent of him, not my Edward, but close. I let my mind trick me just for a moment and I imagined he was his son for one small moment. As he pulled away he softly kissed my forehead. I dared myself to glance up and was met by pain filled eyes. I knew we must have mirrored each other right then; our eyes brimming over with unshed tears, his for the son he raised and would never see again, mine for the life I had lost and the husband who would never wrap his arms around me again.

Over his shoulder I could see Charlie and Renee talking in hushed tones with Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper had appeared quietly at Alice's side, apprehension filling his eyes as he warily watched Alice's face for any signs of distress. Here I was surrounded by the people I loved most in the world and who loved me back and I had never felt more alone and isolated.

As we stood there waiting to enter it was if my brain was split in two. One part was completely shut down only to open at the most inopportune time to remind me why I was here. The other was acting as a filter, protecting me for the most part, allowing me to take in what I wanted and keep other things at bay. At this moment I watched as people filed into the auditorium: various friends from our work, people I hadn't seen in years like Angela, Ben and Mike and then there were those that I didn't even recognize at all. I had no idea who the majority of people were, assuming they belonged to the vast legions of friends belonging to the Cullen family. As I stood there, absorbed in my own little world, Charlie came up and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Hey Charlie"

"Hey Bells…how's my girl? "he asked softly

All I could do was rest my head on his shoulder and wish that I was somewhere…anywhere but here

He knew I wouldn't answer, too afraid that if I did I wouldn't be able to stop whatever might come out; he was my dad, my Charlie and as always knew what I needed. We stood for a few minutes, alone in our grief…

"Its time to go in Bella," he gently reminded me

I drew in a deep breath as if it was my last and gave him a weak smile. Emmett came up to my other side, kissed my cheek and then grabbed my free hand. "I got you Bells, no worries, I got you."

As we neared the double doors I recognized once again the soft piano chords I had heard earlier. Someone had found and was playing a CD of piano music Edward had recorded one year for Esme's birthday. I focused on the music and my senses were immediately lulled into a false state of well being. I felt as if I was in a dream.

_That's what this feels like…a dream, a very bad dream. If only that were true._

Renee and Rose went in first followed by Carlisle and Esme. I woodenly followed behind them with Charlie holding me up on my left side and Emmett with a death grip on my other side.

_So much for that strong, collected look_ _you were going for Bella_, I vaguely thought.

Jasper and Alice brought up the end of our sad procession. As we silently made our way to the front, soft crying and the occasional sob could be heard from others in the auditorium. I found myself staring at the back of Carlisle's suit, finding a tiny pattern in the fabric to stare at. It's funny how the most miniscule detail can consume a great amount of attention given the right moment. So lost was I in my head that I didn't realize we had reached our place until I was gently jerked to a stop. I tore my gaze from Carlisle's suit and furtively looked around the auditorium.

The place was packed, there were even people standing in the back. The hilarious and inappropriate thought of "Standing room only" popped into my head.

_This must be what it is like to finally and_ _completely lose your mind, making jokes in your head at a time like this._

I was overwhelmed by the amount of people who had showed up to pay their last respects. I quickly turned and faced the front and let out a small gasp. Where there was once a stage it was now completely covered in flowers of every type and color; how I had missed this beauty in the middle of all this when I was walking in I didn't know, but I did pick up on the underlying scent of freesia, Edward's favorite scent. I silently thanked Alice as that must have been her doing.

Still as magnificent as all the flowers were they paled in comparison to what stood in their midst.

A picture of Edward.

It had been enlarged to 20 x 20 and was in a gorgeous handmade gold leaf frame I had never seen before. In the picture Edward was in his flight suit sitting on the floor of the helicopter with his legs dangling down on the struts. He had his hands placed on the floor on either side of him and was slightly leaning forward. His hair was golden bronze in the late afternoon sun that was streaming in from behind him, lighting his hair in a fiery halo around his head. He had just run his hands through it and one large chunk hung rakishly down his forehead just above his right eye. That was a beautiful sight in itself but what made the picture was the smile… a crooked grin that spread from ear to ear and spilled over into his eyes, adding extra sparkle to their emerald depths. This was Edward, Edward completely open and carefree, not a worry in the world. I could still hear his laughter that had rang out as the picture had been taken.

_I _ had taken that picture.

_I _had been the reason for the laughter.

I had told him to hold still, begged him not to move so I could capture the sun streaming in behind him just right. I had told him he was beautiful. That was when he had leaned forward and said, "Silly Bella, you're the beautiful one." I had snapped the camera and captured the picture and memory forever. He was always trying to convince me that I was beautiful, though in comparison to him I felt small and pale. I guess that's why it was my favorite picture, it was just him surrounded by things he loved but that smile…that smile had been just for me, and in that moment I had believed him.

_________________________________________________________________

The memorial service was a blur to me after that. I vaguely remember people getting up to speak: Edward's boss, Emmett, Jasper. A slideshow was played chronicling his life but it didn't do him justice, you couldn't always capture what made him great or beautiful on film. You had to know what his laughter sounded like as it rang out, the smooth timbre of his voice, the sight of his hands long and smooth as they effortlessly flowed over the keys of the piano.

Words were said, music played, and people filed past me in an endless blur of faces. I don't think I stopped clutching Emmett's hand the whole time. I'm sure he had the imprint of my nails in his hand but he never uttered a word or faltered in his sure strong grasp. I realized he was making good on a long ago promise made in the dead of night to two drunk friends.

The boys had been drinking, having their guys night over at Emmett's apartment. As sometimes happened when they drank, they had become introspective and emotional. Little did they know though that Rose, Alice and I were in the next room. We had snuck in on them planning to break up their little party and drag them back home. It was always easier anyway to get them home at night, slightly or fully inebriated; they were always more than willing to go when the promise of something sweet and a little bit naughty was whispered in their ear…they were putty in our hands. To wait until the next morning to try to get them up and moving was hell. Sweet, drunk, goofy boys turned into surly, grumpy, hung-over men…it was like trying to herd cats just to get them out the door.

As we stood in the kitchen giggling over their lovesick conversation it suddenly became quiet and then Emmett spoke,

"Seriously though, dude, they are amazing, the best things to happen to us, at least Rose is the best thing to happen to me."

"They deserve the best we can give them, they're our lives now, and if we have to spend the rest of our lives proving that to them we will."

By now we were peeking around the corner, covering our mouths…what they were saying was so sweet but at the same time so funny to watch…three grown men mooning about, lovesick…Rose was rolling her eyes and making little kissy faces, I was glaring daggers at her lest we all bust up laughing and be found out. Emmett continued on,

"I promised Rose I would always take care of her, never leave her, I'm going to take care of her for the rest of our lives," he paused before continuing, "That goes for Bella and Alice too, they mean the world to me, as I know Rose does to you two. If anything ever happens, God forbid, to any of us, let's promise we will take care of them, Agreed?"

They all high fived, agreed and slapped each other on the backs in typical guy fashion. Meanwhile we had made our way back into the kitchen.

We all looked at one another and then broke into a fit of laughing, rolling our eyes and holding our sides.

"Emmett always turns into a big teddy bear and gets all sentimental when he drinks those foofy drinks Jasper makes," Rose giggled. "They're not going to remember any of this in the morning."

Little did we know just how wrong we would be. Later the next day each of us was sat down and told what had transpired the previous night: should anything happen to one of them the others would step in and basically for lack of a better word, protect us, watch over us. When Edward told me I listened wide-eyed, the whole while biting my lower lip to keep from showing what I had already known. I had never seen Edward more serious and I was instantly contrite for having laughed the night before. I also was touched by their profession of duty and love for us.

I never thought it would be needed by me first though.

Yet here I was, alone, but with a small sense of reassurance at remembering what had taken place what seemed like an eternity ago but was actually only a year or two ago.

Emmett gently reminded me where I was by helping me to my feet, Alice and Jasper stood up and followed behind me, guiding me down the aisle.

There was no casket to follow, no pallbearers needed, as there was no body to bury. How's that for the ultimate slap in the face, not only was I never going to see him again but I wasn't even granted one last look on his face, to place that last kiss upon lips that would never open to me again. I suddenly pulled away from Emmett and ran back to the stage to gaze upon the picture that seemed to mock me in my misery. How could there have been such happiness and now such utter despair and sadness? I unsteadily reached my hand out and placed it ever so gently on the glass holding the picture in place. I closed my eyes and willed myself to believe I was touching him again as the tears once again began their fall down my cheeks.

__________________________________________________________________

Back at Carlisle and Esme's house a group of their closest friends and acquaintances had come over. I knew this would be the case and had tried to prepare myself in advance but it wasn't working. Some people never understood the need for this type of gathering after something like today but I actually did. These people were grieving too and this was their way of letting it out. To be able to spend time with friends who were going through the same thing, talking about their feelings, and feeling like they did something useful by bringing over a meal or two.

I understood it but that didn't mean I had to participate. I quickly went to my favorite place in the house.

I sat down in my…our…favorite chair in the study, a glass of wine held carelessly in my hand, more for the reason that I could have something to do with my hands, to keep them occupied, than to drink. I found myself mesmerized by the colors in the glass as I swirled it effortlessly around, the light hitting the scarlet liquid and reflecting off the crystal.

People came and went but pretty much left me alone. Every 10 minutes or so someone in the family would come check on me… a quick squeeze on my shoulder or a kiss placed gently on the top of my head and then they would leave again.

The part of my brain that was working felt guilty that I was leaving a large share of greeting and mingling of the guests to Esme. After all, she had lost someone too, _her son_, _her baby_, but the guilt wasn't strong enough to move me from my chair. I absentmindedly stroked the soft leather, breathing in the richness of its scent. If I tried hard enough and focused just right I could still pick up the scent of Edward on this chair. Maybe I was delusional but fuck, I could really care less.

Sometime later, I wasn't really sure when, as time didn't hold my attention anymore, I realized I must have dozed off. Someone had placed a soft throw over me and had taken off my shoes. The room had grown dark except for the one lone candle on the mantle. I could tell by the light falling in through the windows that day was quickly fading into night. I slid up off the chair, grimacing against the cramped feeling in my neck and shoulders.

I stood staring out the window. It was that time when day is slowly slipping into night, everything is hazy for a small short hour and your mind feels fuzzy as it tries to adjust to the change.

I kept the throw around my shoulders and silently padded in to the hall.

_Where was everyone…how long had I been asleep?_

"Alice," I called out softly. "Esme?"

No one answered.

____________________________________________________________

I walked into the kitchen and flipped on the switch. Light illuminated the room from the antique iron chandelier that hung above the kitchen island. It sparkled off the stacks of china and crystal that were stacked on the counter awaiting pickup by the catering company. Casserole dishes and platters covered the entire left hand side of the kitchen counter. We wouldn't have to worry about food for weeks, not that any of us had much of an appetite.

As I glanced around the kitchen, warm memories came flooding back to me. I loved this kitchen; this was where I felt most comfortable, where I felt most like family. Everyone always gathered in here; no matter what time of day, you could always find someone in here piddling around or scouting for snacks.

I didn't have the privilege of a large family growing up, so get together's and holidays with the Cullen's was heaven for me.

My favorite memories though involved quiet mornings with Edward. He'd lift me up on the counter next to him while he'd prepare breakfast for everyone. He'd push my legs apart and lean back between them while whisking the eggs or waiting for the pancakes to be flipped. I'd run my fingers through his hair and listen for the little groans that escaped from him as I massaged his head. I loved to blow on the sensitive skin at the base of his skull, watching the goose bumps rise. More often than not the breakfast would be forgotten about as Edward would turn towards me and run his hands up under my shirt…we burned omlette pans and scorched Esme's prize copper pots more than we'd care to admit to. He would joke that the smell of scorching food would forever be a turn on to him.

I was not a morning person but I would gladly wake up at the crack of dawn to be with him…

I ran my hands over the granite, lightly danced my fingers along the pots hanging all shiny in a row and came to a stop at the end of the countertop. Something was out of place…

I was rudely pulled from my memories by the sight of a dozen long stem roses crushed into the garbage bin.

These weren't just any roses, these were my roses…my Fire and Ice roses…the last flowers Edward had given me.

One morning a couple months past he had brought over a dozen roses for what he called "the women in my life". A dozen for Esme, Rose, Alice and of course me. He had bought me my favorites, Fire and Ice, carrying on a tradition that had started on our wedding day. I loved all flowers and but didn't really like to get roses, I was more the wildflower, Gerber daisy kind of girl but these roses were special and Edward never forgot that. They were beautiful and different and smelled heavenly, and of course there were always little bits of Freesia mixed in too. I had left this particular bouquet with Esme because we were going out of town and I didn't want them locked in a stuffy apartment not being enjoyed by anyone. Esme had put them in one of her cut crystal vases from Tiffany's and there they had sat until now. No one had dared to move them since the accident; even with the drooping leaves and falling petals they were left where they were, the falling petals gathered up in a bag for safe keeping.

A little voice in my head told me that someone was just trying to be helpful and was cleaning up the kitchen, they didn't know any better… and that was all well and good but as I looked at them lying there crushed and mixed in the garbage I felt something inside of me snap. I physically felt the last small piece of my heart break away and shatter.

"FUCK," I screamed

I screamed and screamed until my throat burned, my eyes watered and I couldn't breathe.

I was blinded with rage; a rage I didn't even know existed in me until now. I could hear my breathing, shallow and fast, the sobs beginning to rise raggedly up from the depths of my soul. I felt like my insides were being torn out again.

_Was this pain, this feeling ever going to end…or was it to be repeated every time I came across something that reminded me of our life together?_

The anger boiled up inside of me and with my arm I reached out and swept all that beautiful china and crystal to the ground.

_WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, the voice in my head was screaming._

I screamed again and this time my focus was on Edward.

"Why did you have to go, why… why did you did this to me, you promised, YOU PROMISED, YOU PROMISED," I kept screaming over and over

I called him every name in the book, yelling that every promise that he made to me was now worthless, as broken and twisted as my roses.

I lashed out blindly, screaming at the cabinets, knocking over the chairs. By now I was sobbing and screaming so hard I was gasping for breath in between my ranting. I could feel my vision getting fuzzy at the edges and a throbbing beginning at my temple. One moment I was crying softly, the next screaming out in anger at God, Edward, anyone…it didn't matter…just as long as it kept the pain away. I kicked at the multiple garbage bags in my rage and then realized that I had spilled what was left of the roses on the ground; I scrambled down on my hands and knees to rescue them. Pieces of crystal and china cut into my knees and hands but I didn't even notice so consumed was I in my anger and sorrow.

I didn't even realize that anyone had come into the kitchen or the fact that I was still screaming until I felt two very strong arms grab me from behind and pin my arms to my side. I immediately knew who it was.

"Emmett, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME!!"

I fought and struggled, kicking him in the shins and trying to claw at him with my fingers, I was a woman possessed. I was barely aware of Alice crying quietly in the corner, Rose and Esme pleading with me to stop before I hurt myself any worse. Jasper had run to get Carlisle which left Emmett alone in his struggle to subdue me.

"Bella, Bella", he crooned in my ear, "Bella honey, it's OK, let it out.

He kept repeating that mantra over and over while still holding on to me in a death grip. I don't know how few or how many minutes passed but he must have felt the instant my body gave in and he had me scooped up in his arms like a baby in seconds, all the while still crooning to me in that soft low voice. I lay like a rag doll in his arms, totally spent, harsh sobs and hiccups alternating from me. The girls were quickly around us, touching my face, my hands; by this time Carlisle had run in with Jasper on his heels.

"Oh Bella," he cried softly, he was staring at my arm.

Just as quickly as he came in he whirled around and starting shouting orders at everyone.

"Jasper, towels"

"Esme and Alice, my bag"

"Rose, clean off that countertop, and for god's sake people watch where you're walking"

"Emmett, you OK, you got her?" Emmett just rolled his eyes and grunted

"Bella, bells," Carlisle said, he sounded like he was at the end of a tunnel calling out my name.

"Does it hurt honey; can you move your arm?"

"BELLA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

I tried to lift my head but it was so heavy, I got it up just enough to look at my arm.

_What was wrong with my arm?_

There it was hanging limply by my side, it felt surreal, like I was watching from the corner.

_That's not my arm; it's not even attached to me._

My head lolled back on Emmett's shoulder and I gave into the buzzing in my head and passed out.


	4. Just a Crush

_**BPOV**_

His laughter stayed in my head the entire way up to the unit. I was able to get my baby and mom settled, give a decent report and go about my usual routine…but all the while I found myself humming under my breath. That was something I did only when very stressed or giddy. I guess I was the latter. It didn't help any that I was grinning like an idiot too.

_How silly can you be girl...he has to be taken…he's totally out of your league, I bet I'm not even his type…tall, blonde, big…big, uh…..yeah, that definitely is not me…_

By now my inner dork had taken over and was trying to bring me down from my high before I hurt myself or did anything stupid like, oh, I don't know…go run and find him, throw myself at him and yell, "Take me to bed or lose me forever!"

I absolutely loved Top Gun and hey, a pilot is a pilot, so he fit right into my fantasy quite well.

I went out into the hallway and started to clean the isolette and re-stock it.

My RT, Jen, interrupted my daydreaming, taking the cord out of my hand that I had re-wrapped three times already.

As I blushed she just shook her head

"He's 27, single, plays the piano and guitar, seems to be well off, well liked by everyone, girl or guy, and just moved here from the NW. I have no idea why as we are as far as you can get from green and wet."

"GAH, am I that transparent?"

She laughed and gave me a quick hug.

"Bella, you should wear sunglasses or something because your eyes tell quite the story. Now I heard that he's pretty nice but be careful, I also heard how much the ladies already are falling over themselves for him, especially back at the base."

"Oh," I stammered

"No worries, Jen… it's probably just a crush, not a big deal"

"Uh huh" she wasn't buying it.

"No really, I'm way too busy, he's probably way too busy…he's eye candy right?

"Whatever Bells, see you later, I'm going back to the base, call me if you need anything…like a certain person's phone number."

"Oh you are hilarious Jen, really funny." I threw my wadded up gloves at her.

I could hear her laughter echoing all the way down the hall.

_What's with the laughter following me around today?_

As I finished up I realized I was missing my stethoscope. It wasn't too big a deal as I routinely lost it a couple times a day. I would just retrace my steps and see if I left it or dropped it somewhere on my way up.

I wandered around the unit looking for it, no luck at my patient's bedside, so I made my way down to the ER. We didn't usually come through there but our usual entrance was blocked by construction.

_Sheesh, it could be anywhere down here._ The maze of hallways and rooms was overwhelming so I decided to ask at the nurses' station first.

"Hey Sara"

"Hi Bella, whatcha need?"

"Any chance a black stethoscope has been turned in today?"

She gave me a dirty look

"What, did I say a bad word or something?"

"Are you kidding me girlfriend….take your pick"

She lifted out a box with at least 15 stethoscopes lying in it.

"You need to find yourself a new color," she laughed.

I pawed through all of them but mine was not one in the box…maybe I left it in the helicopter.

As I turned to go back upstairs a wicked thought put a smile on my face…maybe I would just have to drive over to the base myself and look for it, you never knew who I just might run into.

_**EPOV**_

The entire flight back I was on auto-pilot so to speak. I could fly this thing blindfolded but I still was a safety guy first and foremost, following all the procedures to a tee. It wasn't just about my own personal safety but that of my crew and patient as well.

And for now I was very interested in one particular crew member so I better make sure she got home safely.

I had watched Bella Swan the entire afternoon. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Once or twice she actually caught me but all I could do was keep staring at her until the little voice in my head started screaming:

_DANGER, DANGER…look away man, look away!!!_

I tried focusing on my phone and texting a few friends back home but even then I was drawn as if by an invisible magnet to keep looking back up at her. She was simply beautiful but her professionalism and compassion blew me away. When I tried to talk to her about it I was totally tongue tied and then we were in the helicopter again and I didn't have a chance to say anything to her.

What would I have said anyway?

_Hey, I love watching you work….PERVERT…check_

_I want to feel your hands in my hair…LOSER…check, check_

She would have run away screaming if she wasn't strapped into a helicopter, flying over the city.

I had just about lost it one time already when we were out on the helipad. It was windy and my hair was in its usual disarray. Bella had almost reached up to fix it. It was like watching something in slow motion; her hand coming up to touch me…I could already anticipate how good that would feel…I snapped out of it just in time and shot my hand up and ran it thorough my hair myself.

I thought I saw a look of disappointment flash across her face for a second and then her face cleared.

Man, if she had actually done that…well, let's just say I needed to work on my self control.

What was it about her? I can't remember when I last felt like this. As a matter of fact I don't remember ever feeling like this, not even with my high school through college girlfriend. Now that, that was a really great relationship there; together 5 years and I walk in on her screwing her volleyball coach. After that I decided relationships weren't worth it and up until now I hadn't met anyone that I felt risking that type of heartache for. I certainly hadn't expected to meet someone so soon after moving here.

This felt like new territory for me. I hadn't started a serious relationship since high school and I was sure the same pick up lines weren't in play anymore. How would I know if she even felt the same way? Send my best friend over during lunch to ask her best friend how she felt? This all felt so juvenile to me but what I felt the most sure about was that this was happening so quickly. It felt like my emotions were on fast-forward and my brain was on pause.

Was this infatuation, lust, a simple crush…all those things ran through my mind but when I really thought about it, it felt different than those things…it felt…well, more…more _what_ exactly I couldn't say, just more.

I asked myself again what was it about Bella.

Long brown hair pulled carelessly into a ponytail, a small heart shaped face, a dash of freckles across her nose, full pink lips…and eyes, dark brown eyes you could get lost in.

Did I need to analyze any further…

_Yes, yes, the_ little voice in my head yelled happily,_ there's more!!_

She was obviously intelligent, what a turn on that was, had a great wit and sense of humor…and compassionate, without even having to try. The only other person I knew like that was my own mom.

_Well, she has to be taken, girls like her, with her intellect and looks, they weren't single and they definitely didn't go for the pilot type, probably someone like a doctor, lawyer…I chuckled to myself, someone like my dad. Dr. Carlisle Cullen of Forks, WA…now there was a catch, at least my mom said so._

My daydreaming was cut short by the need to come back down to earth, both literally and emotionally. I helped Bella unload, she was quiet and focused on her patient and I didn't want to disturb her. I couldn't help but stare at her as she walked away from me. Maybe she could tell because she turned her head around to look at me with the cutest smirk on her face and then promptly tripped.

The most amazing blush filled out her cheeks as she continued on like nothing had happened, I couldn't help it…I let out with a laugh…_2 points to Ms. Swan, well done._

She disappeared inside the hospital and I disappeared back to my daydream. Once I had finished up with the helicopter I decided to make a quick run into the ER to see some friends. As I was walking in I noticed a black stethoscope lying in the ER entrance. Usually I wouldn't give it a second thought but this one had a name tag on it so I bent down to scoop it up.

Isabella Swan…._well lookie here…it's Bella's_

I immediately wanted to return it to her but another thought interrupted me from that task, a more devious thought, and I ended up putting it in my pant leg pocket.

_STALKER!!! My head shouted at me…_

I grimaced as I thought,_ I wish I knew where that little voice came from….I would gladly pull its power cord and kill it!_

I continued my way into the ER feeling sure of myself and as I wandered over to the nurses' station, I kept my eye out for one in particular. She was adamant in letting me know how she felt about me, hinting at "wanting to get to know me better"…fact was she scared the hell out of me. Definitely didn't need a psycho hose beast relationship…

As I caught up with the latest news and gossip from the trenches, my mind kept drifting back to Bella.

I wondered how old she was, was she dating anyone, where she grew up, was she dating anyone, where she lived, if she was dating anyone…alright enough of that. What I really wanted to know was what type of shampoo she used, it smelled like strawberries and cream and I needed to smell that on a regular basis…

_Pathetic Cullen…really, can you act anymore like a girl?_

And then as if I called her name myself, there she was.

She was leaning on the other end of the nurse's station casually talking with another nurse. She couldn't see me through the group of people in front of me but I had a great view of her. I also was glued to my spot.

_What the hell was happening to me…I just met her!_

She stood there talking with Sara, absentmindedly twirling a piece of her hair that had escaped from her ponytail around and around her finger.

The thought crossed my mind of wanting to do that exact thing…then pull that clip out of her hair, letting it fall across her shoulders, bury my hands in it and pull her to me…

I shook my head as if to rid myself of the thought

_Get it together Cullen_

It was then that I realized why she was down here, she was rifling through a box of stethoscopes looking for hers…I felt guilty but then the thought was quickly banished by the little voice…_we have A PLAN!_

I touched her stethoscope and smiled…here was my _in._

I continued to watch her from my hiding place, taking note of the way she bit her lower lip when she was frustrated that she couldn't find what she was looking for, the way her smile lit up her whole face when she laughed at something Sara said…she never noticed me, but I stayed back just in case, I was sure she would be able to feel my eyes on her. As she turned to leave a little smile could be seen on her lips and two thoughts entered my mind:

I wanna be the one that puts a smile on her face….the second….

so _this_ is what this feels like…

**A/N**: A bit nervous after all the wonderful reviews from the last chapter....please, please, leave a review!!!


	5. Starbursts and Margaritas

**BPOV**

I never did make it over to the base, still didn't have my stethoscope and to top it all off, I hadn't seen Edward in 3 days. I refused to ask any of the people who worked out at the base where he was or if he had mentioned me at all. I didn't need to be the laughingstock of the entire southern region. Most of all though, I think what unsettled me the most was that I was put out with myself. I was having trouble understanding my own feelings and emotions and was feeling quite betrayed by my own body.

I had never had this type of problem before…the type of problem where you are slowly losing your mind because you can't stop thinking about a certain someone. He was in my every thought; I wondered what he was doing at odd hours of the day and night, would I possibly run into him around town, did he wonder at all about me, what was the wonderful goo that he used in his hair! His hair alone could send me into hours of mindless daydreaming.

_Holy hell Bella…you are truly a freak now_

It was getting to the point of being ridiculous and just a bit obsessive…I had no clue what to do. I couldn't even think about what a next step would be…call him, email him, show up on his doorstep drooling?

To take that type of step, to make contact with him deliberately, that would be admitting that this was something real, that what I was feeling couldn't be written off anymore as a crush or mindless obsession to pass the time. I could be facing rejection;_ I was used to that but not from him. _The simple fact that I would still have to work with him from time to time and know that he didn't feel the same way, that he belonged to someone else, that would be torture.

_Oooo, it was probably that blonde skank down at the base, the one with the big this and the gorgeous that…I wanted to rip her eyes out. Whoa, where was this coming from…I was now calling an innocent girl a skank and wanting to do bodily harm to her, I needed help…maybe drug therapy._

My phone buzzing broke me from the picture in my head of being admitted to the local pysch ward, it was Jen from work.

She was calling me to beg, as usual. Please, please come with me to a party…blah, blah, blah. I was half listening, half dreaming again. She was going on and on about how much fun I would have _(yep, sitting by yourself in a room of people you don't know sure is fun),_ there would be cute guys there _(once again, not so much fun)_, and here's the best part, swimming _(I don't swim in public…it's safer for me that way)_. I finally gave in just to get her off the phone. She gave me the address and time, gushed some more over how great I was and then hung up before I could change my mind.

_What the hell did I just agree to do?_

Well, look at it this way, it couldn't be any worse than sitting at home, alone, obsessing over HIM and the wonder that was his hair. Maybe a change of scenery would do me good.

Somehow I made it through the next few days without actually having to commit myself to the aforementioned pysch ward. The morning of the party dawned bright and sunny, what else in Phoenix would you expect; it's either hot or hotter. I tried to stay positive and slipped on my favorite blue spaghetti strap top, some khaki capris and my beloved Rainbow sandals. I completed my outfit with sunglasses and headed out the door. Seriously, how bad could it get…?

One hour later I was kicking myself for ever uttering those words.

_Seriously how bad can it get_, my head mimicked me.

_Oh just shoot me now Lord….please._

I had arrived at the address Jen had given me right on time. It was a beautiful, sprawling, two-story Mexican style home set up against the foothills. I could only wonder at what her friends did to live here. It was U-shaped surrounding a lush courtyard with a huge fountain as its centerpiece. Mexican bird of paradise lined the walkway leading up to an antique iron door that opened into the house. The door stood open and I stepped through as though into the pages of Sunset magazine, one of the posh magazines that circled the Southwest. The floor was hand laid Saltillo tile in a diamond pattern and that was covered in handmade Santa Fe rugs in the living spaces. Across from me, the opposite wall that I thought were floor to ceiling windows were actually glass panels that opened out into the backyard. Light filled the entire area and reflected off the many tin luminaries that hung suspended from the ceiling. There were small tables scattered throughout the room, each covered in frame after frame. A massive wrought-iron staircase dominated the right side of the room, leading up to the upstairs and a loft that over looked the downstairs. Overstuffed leather couches and chairs were arranged in comfortable seating patterns, inviting conversation and closeness. I was already overwhelmed and this was only the front room.

I was so glad that no one was around to see me gaping at the furnishings. I guessed that most people were gathered outside and I was just about to go and look for Jen when my phone buzzed. Lo and behold it was Jen herself calling, probably lost.

Now this is where the "how bad can it get" comes to haunt me.

Jen was sick, she wasn't coming, she had abandoned me. As she apologized over and over I found myself wandering through the room looking at the pictures that covered just about every surface to take my mind off from wanting to hurt her. My head started whispering at me:

_Let me tell you one more time just how bad something can get…the cosmic forces of the universe decided to make you their spokesperson for the day, take a little peek at the picture over there…_

And right over there, staring out at me from one of the pictures was HIM…the crooked smile, the dazzling emerald eyes; and as I looked closer there he was again and then again. By now I had ceased to listen to Jen and was trying my best just to stand there and breathe.

_Calm, Bella, just stay calm…you can just leave, walk right out the door…_

The last pic I saw was one of Edward with his arms around a beautiful, petite girl with spiky black hair, their beauty was overwhelming and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew, I just knew that this had to be HER…the girl I dreaded finding out about, the love of his life probably.

Just then I remembered I had the phone still in my hand and I lifted it to my mouth and hissed into it, "Just who lives here Jen, whose house is this?" Before she could answer I turned to leave and ran smack into the tiny beauty from the picture.

Once again, _how bad can it get?_

I dropped the phone, backed up and knocked a plant right off the table, and then promptly fell on my ass. I looked up in utter horror to see pixie girl smiling down at me.

"Hi, I'm Alice, welcome to my home."

_Die, die, die, die…I want to die…please, oh please, let me die._

I sheepishly smiled and she held out her hand to me to help me up.

"Are you alright?"

"Um, yeah…I'm used to it unfortunately…I'm Bella and I was just leaving."

"Oh…why…didn't you just get here?"

_Is that a look of disappointment on her face? I must have hit my head too._

"Well yes, I did just get here but my friend that I was supposed to meet didn't show and um…I was...yeah" I finished lamely.

"Well consider yourself as having found a new friend, like I said, I'm Alice, I live here with my boyfriend and my brother."

_Great, she is his girlfriend and now my friend…and the really sucky part was that I kinda liked her, that was so not fair._

"Would you like a tour?"

_Why the hell not, lets some pour some acid on the big 'ol cut on my heart while we're at it._

She toured me around the downstairs…the beautiful kitchen with its stainless steel appliances and Corian countertops, a game room, two guest rooms. The place was for lack of better English, ginormous.

Upstairs a gorgeously appointed library was at the top of the stairs; my fingers itched to look through all the books. A movie theatre that sat 15 was next and then came three bedrooms, each with their own private bath.

I cringed as she opened the door to show me her and Edward's room.

_Must I really have to see where I will never get to be?_

"This is Jasper's and my room, Edwards' is across the hall."

It as the rest of the house was beautifully done right down to the…

_Wha…what did she just say…back up, back up!!_

"Um Alice…who is Jasper?"

"Oh silly me," she smiled all sunshine and perfect teeth.

"He's my boyfriend…I thought you might know him…through Edward," she cocked her head to side and stared at me, "you do know Edward right? my brother?"

"Bella…are you alright?"

My face must have given me away…_HER BROTHER? _I was speechless; literally…I couldn't utter a word.

Alice quickly caught on to why I was so stupefied. Her face ran the gamut from Huh? To Oh! and then broke out into one of what was quickly becoming in my mind, her signature smile.

"Oh Bella, you thought me and Edward…oh no…because of the pictures downstairs and then introducing this as my home, Bella, I'm so sorry!"

I could tell she was torn between wanting to make me feel better and wanting to laugh hysterically.

I decided to help her out and started to laugh myself, "Alice you have no idea…really…the things that were running through my mind."

Once we started we found out we couldn't stop. Alice's I'm sure was out of pure amazement at being mistaken as her brother's girlfriend, mine…well mine was part nervousness, part relief. When we finally calmed down enough to speak Alice asked me exactly how _did_ I know her brother.

I told her where I worked and that I sometimes flew with her brother.

Now it was my turn to watch shock filter across Alice's face.

"Oh. My. God. Bella, you're _that_ Bella?" her brown eyes grew huge.

She then started muttering to herself and pacing back and forth in the bedroom. I only caught every few words, mostly Jasper and Edward's names and I distinctly heard the word kill.

"Uh, Alice, is there a problem?" I whispered.

She whirled around and rushed over to me, her eyes wide and unfocused,"Oh you better believe there is, but it's not your problem, just wait until I get my hands on those two…not letting me know that you were coming today."

"Hold up Alice," I put my hand on her arm, "before you go murdering anyone on my account, they didn't know I was coming…I didn't even know this was Edwards, your…I didn't know who lived here. I am as shocked as you are."

The realization then hit me that Alice knew who I was…my stomach clenched violently and I sank down on the edge of the bed.

"Alice, how do you know who I am?"

"Well," she faltered, "oh hell!" she threw her hands up in the air and turned once again to face me.

"Bella, if we're going to get to the bottom of this we need margaritas, you game?"

All I could do was shake my head in agreement and followed her down the stairs.

Two hours and way too many margaritas later I had not only found out how she knew me but just about anything and everything I could want to know about the Cullen family. Long story short…her and Jasper, or Jazz as she called him, had been together since their freshman year in high school, they all hailed from a tiny town called Forks, WA and when the decision was made to head out for something new they picked a place as opposite as they could…Phoenix, AZ. The three of them had always been together and had never thought of leaving without the other coming with. Alice was in the midst of starting her own interior design consulting business, Jasper picked up his studies at ASU where he was working on a Master's degree in History focusing on the Civil War and Edward, well Edward was the flyboy.

As for how she knew who I was…well that part still had me stunned and feeling just a bit queasy. Edward, HIM-WHO-I-HAVE-OBSESSED-OVER, had been doing a little obsessing of his own to Jasper. Jasper of course was sworn to secrecy but he being the smart man that he was knew better to keep anything from Alice and filled her in on her brother's angst. Alice meanwhile kept quiet around Edward and acted like she knew nothing. It all made my head hurt but Alice assured me it has been this way for years.

She, herself, was almost gleeful in her knowledge of having met me before Jasper and the fact that I was here now without Edward's knowledge…well she was positively bubbling over in her excitement.

It was then that it dawned on me that we had been here in the house practically all afternoon and had yet to see anyone.

"Alice, there are other people here right?"

"Sure, sure, they're all out back…there's really no need to even come in the house as there's a fully stocked kitchen and bar outside."

She then got a wicked gleam in her eye.

"Do you wanna go outside Bella? C'mon, it would be so much fun to see the look on their face!"

"Yeah, for you," I laughed, "I don't think I'm ready to face Edward just yet…I'm kinda on overload right now."

"OK, how about we just go peek?"

I couldn't see anything wrong with that…I could see him, he couldn't see me…win/win.

Alice led me around the house until we were at a bank of windows that looked out over the expanse they called the backyard…more like the back 40!

"Don't worry about being seen, they're not paying attention anyway."

My eyes scanned the backyard looking for that glorious head of hair and then suddenly he was right there. He was leaning up against the wall, drinking a beer. He looked completely at ease and was to me, absolutely breathtaking.

"That's my Jazz on his left and the big guy, that's Emmett, he owns a club they all like to haunt."

I though only had eyes for Edward. I found I could stare at him all day…how he held his bottle, those long slender fingers playing absentmindedly on the neck…it made me shiver.

"Bella…you really like him don't you…no, don't say anything," she stopped me before I could utter a word, "that's the same way I look at Jasper, as if I could memorize every detail of him" she continued "and it's OK Bella, you two don't know it yet but I have a feeling about these things," she smiled over at me, "just you wait!"

"Alice…" I said ominously, "what are you planning?"

"Nothing," she smirked.

I went to grab her arm and she shrieked, then covered her mouth and yanked both of us to the floor.

"Sorry," she mouthed at me. She then peeked up over the windowsill and motioned for me to stand up.

"That was close…well, I have to make an appearance sometime today but what are you going to do?"

"Well, if you don't mind I would love to explore your library some more."

"Really?" she didn't look convinced and shook her head doubtfully, "Ok, but I'm going to come back in and getcha in an hour, and then it's no more hiding!"

We parted in the kitchen and I grabbed myself another margarita. I had a feeling I was going to need it.

**EPOV**

This was turning out to be a nice day; the weather was perfect, just right, the crowd from work was all here, everyone doing their own thing. Emmett, Jasper and I had decided to play chef and try not to burn the place down.

_Why then Mr. Cullen do you have this empty feeling if all this is so great?_

That was an easy one…she wasn't here. Some freak part of me hoped she would just show up tagging along with someone else. The logical side of me told myself to get a grip.

But hell, I couldn't get her out of my head. I thought about her all the time and had stopped myself more than once from getting in my car and driving over to the hospital. I missed the sound of her voice, the way she smelled, those eyes…

_What the hell, freak, you just met her._

I stubbornly refused to listen to the voice in my head and even went so far as to talk to Jasper about it. He of course was overjoyed. While him and Alice had been together since high school, I had never been that into anyone except Tanya…and we didn't talk about that anymore. He wanted me to call Bella right away, ask her out before some hot resident got to her first. Just that thought had me seeing red…she was mine.

_Nice Edward, what are you now…a caveman…you girl, you mine._

But despite Jasper's best intentions I did nothing. I sat in my room the last few nights and brooded over her, blasting death metal throughout the house until finally Alice begged me to stop and tell her what was wrong. I kept silent and switched to Classical, letting the dulcet tones of Debussy and Bach soothe me.

"Hey, wonder chef, you're burning the burgers, get out the way!"

A shove from Emmett brought me back to reality. I caught Jasper looking over at me and he shook his head in pity, "Call her," he mouthed at me. I just rolled my eyes and grabbed a beer.

Some time and too many beers later I felt more relaxed than I had in days. It really was turning out to be a good day. As I took a drink from my beer, I thought I heard a shriek from the house, Alice in fact, and I looked up toward the house.

_Wait a second…who was that with her?_

_What the…_

I choked on my beer and spit it out right onto Emmett…Jasper pounded me on the back.

"DUDE! that was so not cool," Emmett sputtered.

My eyes though were glued on the windows that overlooked the yard. I could have sworn I just saw Bella with my sister…no way.

I turned to Jasper and hissed, "You didn't tell Alice about Bella did you; tell me you didn't tell Alice!"

"I, umm, I didn't tell Alice." Jasper lied right through his teeth; I was going to kill him…slowly.

"Tell her what?" Emmett interrupted, "you keeping crap from me?"

I was beginning to feel a twitch forming under my eye and to make matters worse here came the little pixie devil herself.

"Hey guys, hey baby." She stood on her tiptoes to kiss Jasper. "What's the matter, why the faces?"

"I don't know Alice, you tell me," I said, my teeth clenched.

"TELL WHAT?" Emmett interrupted again.

Alice looked at me with a smirk on her face, all wide-eyed and innocent. "I don't have the slightest idea what my dear brother is talking about Emmet, do you Jazz?"

"I'm staying out of this one."

"If someone doesn't tell me what the hell is going on, head are going to roll!" Emmett roared.

"THAT'S IT!" I yelled. "Alice, you and Jasper here explain to Emmett what I presume you already know but shouldn't." I glared at Jasper while saying this. "Everyone is to stay out of the house for now, you understand?"

All three of them nodded, and Alice had the tenacity to beam at me, "Sure Edward, whatever you say."

I grabbed my beer and headed inside. I took a long pull on it as I opened the door. I had a feeling I was going to need it.

**BPOV**

The library was amazing, even more so I assumed due to my Jimmy Buffett margaritaville inspired haze. I wandered around pulling books out at leisure. I wasn't aware that I was being watched until I turned around to start down the other side of the room and there he was…Edward freakin Cullen…be still my heart.

"Hi," I said lamely.

"Well hi Bella, fancy meeting you here," he smirked "Just what exactly _are _you doing here?"

_Oh crap, he's upset…he doesn't want you here, he must have changed his mind. I felt like I was going to throw up. Oh please, oh please, ohpleaseohpleaseohplease, no._

He immediately was at my side.

"Shit Bella, are you Ok? God, what a jerk I am, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I was just trying to…oh hell," he stopped talking and led me over to the couch.

"Bella, I'm really sorry, let me start over…I'm really glad you're here, I'm speechless actually…but how did you get here?"

I relayed my sob story about Jen bailing on me, me falling on my butt, meeting Alice and the subsequent afternoon.

My head by now was really starting to spin as I stared at him. I couldn't believe I was sitting in his home, on his couch, next to, well, him. I didn't know what to say.

Obviously Edward did and once he started he didn't stop. He asked me if I liked the library, what my favorite books were, favorite authors, favorite music and on and on. It gave me a chance to calm myself and just take all of what was happening in. My biggest problem at this point was how dry my mouth was…I fumbled around in my bag until I came out with my Starbursts.

_Freak, my head screamed at me, who eats Starbursts at a time like this?_

I ignored the voice in my head and focused on getting the damn things open. My fingers finally started working and I popped a cherry one in my mouth…mmmhmm heaven.

Unfortunately I didn't notice that by this time Edward had stopped talking and was staring at my mouth, watching me, well…watching me suck on my candy. His mouth was slightly open and he ran the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip. Now I was the one doing the staring.

"Earth to Bella, come back to me Bella…that must be a good Starburst, I lost you there for a moment, maybe I should try one," he laughed.

Before I even knew what I was saying, I opened my mouth and said, "Well, why don't you just come and get one." Then I showed him the one I had in my mouth.

_For once the voice in my head was quiet…I think I killed it with that comment._

Well, Edward sure knew what I had said because he had me in his lap, his arm tight around me, his lips on mine and it felt like…sweet heaven...it felt like home…

The arm wrapped around my waist held me close to his chest while the other was on my cheek, his thumb tracing circles on my temple. He smelled like the sun and spices I couldn't name and I wasted no time in getting my hands in his hair. I ran my fingers lightly along his scalp and down the side and he moaned softly into my mouth. After that, I don't remember much except he now was the proud owner of one cherry starburst.

I pulled back from him a little to catch my breath and was amazed to see that he was breathing hard too. His eyes were a little unfocused as he scanned over my face. His hand was still on my cheek and he reached it up slowly to run his fingers through my hair, trailing it down my back.

"My god Bella" he said softly.

"You wanna another go at it?" I whispered softly.

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open a little, just enough for me to pop a lemon starburst in his mouth and seal my lips over his.

His lips were soft and inviting and I found myself licking his bottom lip and taking it into my mouth. I must have tripped something though because he pushed me back against the couch, his kisses becoming more urgent, more insistent in his desire. His tongue pushed against my lips and they opened for him, he was rewarded with finding a strawberry starburst…sensations were flooding my body; I tingled from the tips of my fingers to my toes. God, together we tasted so sweet, like strawberry lemonade on a hot sultry summer night.

I don't know how long we went on kissing, it felt like hours, it felt like seconds. We explored each other's mouths, slowly and carefully then harder with more urgency. Out tongues tasted and licked at one another and his hands…oh those hands…they never stopped touching me, in my hair, on my face.

Edward was the one to pull away this time and I let out a little sigh of disappointment, only to be surprised as he moved his lips down my cheek to my neck.

"Bella" he barely whispered my name, "you taste as sweet as you smell" and he kissed my neck right behind my ear. My head fell back against the back of the couch, my eyes closed and I just savored the sound of his voice in my ear, the touch of his lips against my flushed skin. This couldn't be real, this was, this was…there were no words…

"Whoa Edward, now that's what I'm talking about!"

My eyes flew open and I pushed Edward off of me to see the guy Alice said was Emmett in the doorway grinning at us.

I could feel myself flushing, the heat creeping up from my neck.

_Oh my god, how long had he been there, what the hell just happened; please tell me I didn't act like how I think I acted._

I looked over at Edward from the corner of my eye but he was glaring at Emmett, I could tell he was about to lose it.

I jumped up off the couch and pushed past Emmett, I barely made it down the stairs as the hot tears started to form in my eyes.

_Damn if I was going to cry now._

I could hear Edward yelling at Emmett and alternately yelling my name.

_No, no, no…what had I just done, what kind of girl does he think throws herself at a guy she barely knows…_

The words from this morning ran over and over again in my head as I rushed to my car,

_How bad could it be, how bad could it be, howbadcoulditbe, howbadcoulditbe, howbadcoulditbe_

Not even I could answer that.


	6. The Depths of her Despair

_Who can say for certain,_

_maybe you're still here_

_I feel you all around me,_

_your memory so clear._

_Deep in the stillness_

_I can hear you speak,_

_Your still an inspiration_

_can it be…._

Floating, floating in a calm, crystal blue-green sea. I could vaguely hear voices coming and going like distant islands I had passed in the journey. It was calm and peaceful here, no noise, no running around and the ache that I had in my chest was slowly receding. Part of me didn't even know why it was there, too complicated to focus on. My right arm dangled in the water, the temperature so perfect that I couldn't tell my fingers apart from the delicious weight of the water swirling around them. I should be more concerned about my left arm…my "other" arm but I didn't really know what was happening with it and once again it was too complicated to think about. The wind whispered to me, playful nonsense that drifted through my head. Its gentle fingers pulling and pushing at me, a game with no name, no rules. There was a restlessness in me though, something not right, not complete and then in the whisper of the wind the feeling was gone…replaced by him.

"I thought you would never come"

_I've always been here, baby, with you, always with you_

"You weren't here, I was so scared, I miss you when you're not here"

I snuggled in closer to him, wrapped in his arms, his warmth surrounding me, his breath a gentle presence on my neck…

_It's alright now love, I'm here, I'm not leaving you, I got you, I got you…_

The ache was gone from my chest, an overwhelming feeling of safety and hope encircled me and I drew in his scent as if to brand my lungs of him, to never forget him

"I love you Edward"

_As I do you, Bells_

I tried to move my left arm to place it in a more comfortable position with him, it wasn't cooperating and I pulled harder and was rewarded with a searing jolt of electric pain that traveled up from my fingers to my shoulder in undulating waves…I screamed and screamed as the pain continued, my idyllic world fading away.

"Bella, Bella, honey, wake up Bella"

I could hear Alice begging me to wake up, pain and fright filling in the cracks of her voice.

I struggled to open my eyes. They were glued shut, 100 pound weights sitting on top. I moved my arms to help lift the weight off my eyes and was rewarded with another round of pain down my left arm, I screamed again in agony.

My eyes flew open as the pain ripped through my body and I was blinded by pain and an incredible brightness, I used my right arm to block the light and heard what sounded like Rose hissing for someone to shut off the effing lights.

I tried to push myself up in bed with my good arm, blinking rapidly, desperate to focus on anything, anyone. I could hear footsteps going away from me, Alice's sweet voice murmuring next to me but my body wouldn't cooperate with me. I couldn't move my left arm and somehow my head had stopped trying to tell it to move, it was as if there was no connection to it at all, it lay captured at my side, held hostage by something greater than myself. My eyes wouldn't stop twitching and watering from the light, my mouth felt like cotton, my tongue harsh and swollen, too big for my mouth. I tried to speak but all that came out was a croak that ripped at my throat and set me into a coughing fit. Immediately a straw was placed at my mouth and I sucked greedily at it, choking yet again as the cool fluid hit the back of my throat.

"Slow, Bella, slow down"

I felt disoriented, juvenile…I couldn't even drink from a straw, why was I having such a hard time, what happened to my calm ocean and what the hell was wrong with me?

My eyes finally adjusted to the light and I turned my head slightly toward the direction the straw came from to find myself staring into the petite face of Alice.

"Hey Bella, hi honey, it's me Alice"

As I stared at her, a panicked expression crossed her face.

"Bella? It's me…Alice…you know Alice Cullen, Edward's sister, Alice?"

I nodded my head and her face changed into a brief, tight smile.

"You scared me there for a second; I didn't think you recognized me. Rose is here too but she ran off to get the nurse, you really freaked her out with your screaming. Emmett and Jazz are downstairs with Esme and Charlie. How do you feel? Do you need something, another pillow? hungry? need more water?"

She was talking way too fast, her hands flitting around as questions tumbled from her lips faster than I could comprehend them. I was still back focusing on her name and that she said "his" name…Edward.

Where was he? She didn't list him in all her babbling.

She must have noticed the strange expression on my face, "What, what's wrong, is it your arm? Rose is getting the nurse; do you need more pain med?"

I weakly shook my head as if trying to clear away the cobwebs that seemed to be clouding my mind. I licked my lips and swallowed a few times, wincing at the pain in my throat. I tried clearing it and it sounded like a creaky door in need of oil.

I took a deep breath, licked my lips again and said, "Edward", or at least what I thought resembled his name, my throat felt like sandpaper, my vocal cords not quite in sync with one another.

"Edward?" Alice whispered.

"Uh-huh", I managed to say, feeling stronger, "Where is he? He was just here a minute ago."

By now I had pushed myself halfway up in what appeared to be a hospital bed, wait…a hospital bed?

hospital bed…nurse…pain med…light bulb!!

I was in a hospital. I looked down at myself, over to my left arm. It was bandaged from wrist to elbow, a circular restraint tied gently from me to the side rail to keep me from moving it.

_God, what had I done?_ I searched my mind and was met with a blank slate.

I remembered Alice though and turned to her.

She sat in her chair, inches from my bed, a stunned look on her face.

"Alice, Alice…"

It was me this time trying to get her attention. She looked at me, or should I say she looked right through me.

"Alice", I said a little more forcefully, "where is Edward?" A familiar ache was returning to my chest as if it was an old friend coming home.

She continued to stare right through me.

I rubbed at my chest with my good arm and looked searchingly at her face.

"Alice, dammit, Alice, answer me, where is Edward?" I said it as forcefully as I could without throwing myself into another coughing fit.

My mind filled with images of fiery car crashes and gruesome accident scenes. I stopped myself, realizing I didn't have any burns on me or other injuries save my arm. OK, I thought, it could have been a regular car accident, or maybe we were out hiking and we fell, or better yet I fell as I always do and he got hurt helping me. Maybe we got carjacked…

My mind was racing, my breathing becoming more erratic, I could feel the ache spreading across my chest, my heart pounding.

My manic mind wanderings were interrupted by the arrival of Rosalie, running into the room, a nurse in tow, with Carlisle bringing up the rear.

"She's awake; she's in pain, DO SOMETHING DAMMIT!!!"

Rose was practically pushing them over to my bedside.

"Rose, calm down, we got it now, we'll take care of it from here", Carlisle said gently.

Rose wore the same pained expression that Alice had earlier but where Alice had fear building in her eyes, Rose had anger.

"Rose, why don't you go downstairs and let them know that Bella is awake, OK?

She looked from Carlisle to me and then back to Carlisle as if unsure about what to do.

"Really Rose, it's ok. You've done an excellent job taking care of her, its ok to leave her."

She nodded her head, her usual reserved look back on her face. She blew a quick kiss in my direction, turned and left the room.

I blankly looked at who was left in the room as Carlisle bent over and gently kissed my forehead.

"Hey Bella, how are you feeling sweetheart?

He didn't rush the questions like Alice did; he just stood there and waited for me to answer. He was calm; he was as he always was. The thought entered my mind that he couldn't possibly be this calm if something had happened to Edward, if there was in any way a problem with his son. The ache receded a little bit and I was able to smile weakly at him, "I'm OK".

He smiled at me and then looked over to his other child. All expression suddenly left his face as he stared at Alice. He remained calm but something changed in his eyes and I looked back over at Alice, feeling as if I was at a tennis match.

She was back to wearing that panicked expression again.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She closed it, swallowed and then tried again.

"She wants to know where Edward is", she whispered.

Her face was pale and it was only then that I noticed the dark circles under her eyes. I looked closer and saw that her normally perfectly disheveled pixie hair was flat, her clothes wrinkled, her eyes held no sparkle to them.

The room was deathly quiet; the only sound was the whirring of the IV pump and the electric hum of the monitor.

It felt like an eternity and no time at all wrapped up together in a moment. A single tear was slowly falling down Alice's cheek. She made no move to wipe it away, as if oblivious to it. She reached over and gently grabbed my hand, quietly whispering my name over and over again.

By now the nurse had left the room, her sixth sense alerting her that this was a family matter.

Carlisle gently took a seat on the edge of my bed, careful not to touch my arm. He quietly called my name to get my attention.

I didn't want to look at him; I tried with what little willpower I had not to turn my head. I didn't want to look into _those _eyes, _that_ face…

My stronger inner me prevailed though, telling me that nothing could be wrong. Edward had just been here a few minutes ago, right before I woke up. He had been real, it was him.

I looked over to Carlisle and the look on his face crumpled my defenses. It was his same calm face but his eyes, his eyes held a worlds worth of pain. His jaw was clenched in his struggle to maintain his composure. He was breathing in and out through his nose, long measured breaths, as if tuned to some internal source. Once again silence filled the room, an eternity wrapped up in a second.

"Carlisle," I whispered, "where's Edward"?

I could see the struggle he was having, one thought then another passing over his face as if he couldn't decide what to say to me.

Just as he was about to speak, Rose returned with Emmett, Jasper, Esme, and Charlie. They filed in quietly and took their places around the bed as if they had been assigned. Esme stood behind Carlisle, clutching his shoulder, Jazz was immediately at Alice's side, Emmett and Rose ended up in the corner chair and Charlie…well Charlie just seemed lost. He hung out in the doorway, his back firmly holding the door up. He wasn't as good as Carlisle at hiding his expressions, he wore a hang dog look like he was just told fishing and beer were illegal. He wouldn't look up, too embarrassed that his emotions were so plain on his face.

Carlisle squeezed my knee, refocusing my attention on him. His face had cleared of any in-decision he may have had though the pain still seeped out from the edges of his eyes.

"Bella…Edward's dead."

I stared at him, licking my dry lips, my eyes unfocused, wandering over his face, down to his badge that proudly declared him Chief of Staff, across my bed, back to his badge and then finally ending back on his face.

"No Carlisle, you don't understand. Edward was just here with me, right before I woke up. I felt him here, right next to me, he even talked with me."

My voice was calm but felt eerily detached. I was right, I knew it…they were, well, they were wrong.

They didn't deny me though, no one stood up and called me crazy but then again, no one stood up to go get Edward either…SURPRISE, here he is, big joke!

As I looked around the room Alice was hiding her face in Jasper's arms, Rose was gripping Emmett's arms so hard I could see the fingernail marks, and Esme stood behind Carlisle still but she hid her face from me. Only Carlisle and Charlie kept looking right at me.

Once again Carlisle repeated himself, "Bella, Edward is dead. His helicopter went down in a storm, his body never recovered. He's gone honey, I'm so sorry."

I'm not quite sure when the ringing in my head started or when the ache in my chest turned into a vise but one second I didn't notice it and the next I couldn't breathe. Images flashed across my mind like a horror movie: Edward's boss at our apartment, Carlisle holding Esme as she collapsed on the floor, an endless stream of people filing in and out of their house, smashed roses, glass, screaming…it all came back to me in an instant...he was gone, just like that...gone.

I could see Carlisle talking to me but I couldn't hear him over the ringing noise in my head. My chest was growing tighter and tighter, my breathing ragged and uneven.

_Oh God, oh God,oh God, _ran through my head_, not again, please, I can't live through losing him again!_

By now I was gasping for air, grabbing at my throat, my chest, the pain unbearable, the pain in my arm couldn't compare to what was happening in my chest. It felt as if I was being ripped in two. I wanted to die, really I wanted to just let go and end this pain.

There was a flurry of activity around me as someone tried shoving an oxygen mask in my face. I could hear someone else yelling for meds to be brought in for me, hands were all over me, trying to push me down on the bed.

Part of me wanted the release, to drift back to my ocean, the calming water, the whispering breeze but my stronger side won out. I didn't want to relive this every time I woke up, to feel this anguish, this utter loss.

I pushed back at the hands, ripping the mask off my face. I took a deep breath that broke open the vise around my chest and screamed for everyone to get out.

I kept yelling and I must have convinced everyone that I could breathe on my own and I definitely didn't want to be sedated. Charlie opened the door and everyone filed out only after Carlisle gave them the OK. When only the two men were left, Charlie quietly came over to me. I had stopped flailing the parts of me that weren't tied down and wasn't a danger to myself or anyone else. He leaned over me and gently placed a kiss on my head.

"I love you Bells", he murmured against my hair and then he turned quickly and left the room.

Carlisle, calm as ever, retreated into Dr. mode.

He quietly checked my bandages, assessing for any new bleeding, then gently rewrapped them. He checked my IV next, listened to my heart and checked the monitor.

He finally looked at me, "Are you OK, you sure you want it this way?"

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice.

"You promise me you'll ask for pain meds before it gets too bad?"

I again nodded my agreement.

"OK then", he turned to go, pain etched across his face.

"Bella", he said without turning around, "we all love you more than we can say. I wish I could take the pain away from you, I wish I could fix the inside of you the way I fixed the outside. I'd do anything to bring him back to you Bella." His shoulders were slumped in defeat, shaking with silent tears. The man that could look me in the eye and tell me my husband was dead was the same man standing before me too embarrassed to let me see his tears.

I didn't know what to say, "I know Carlisle, I know."

I left it at that and curled up on my side, cradling my hurt arm to my stomach. As soon as I heard the door swish shut I closed my eyes, worn out from…well, what do you call what just happened: an episode, an outburst, a breakdown?

The ache in my chest was still there. I now know what it was from, it was my heart. Simply put, my heart was broken. It sounded ridiculous even to me, too fairytale, too dramatic but it was what it was. He was my heart, my soul, my utter existence and he was gone. This was it. I had had my denial, my anger, my crying for days on end. I had reached the bottom, the depth of my despair. The world had frozen around me and with it my life was at a standstill. I could not advance, I couldn't see any retreat. I was just here. I wasn't dead but I certainly couldn't call this a life. I just was. I was a daughter, a friend, I had been someone's wife but now I didn't really belong to anyone anymore. I wasn't "his".

I wasn't _his._

I willed myself back to that calm, clear sea. Could he find me there again? He had once before. I waited, my breathing even and slow, relaxed…waiting for his touch, the scent of his skin, the safety of his arms, the whisper of his voice against my ear. I waited, my tears the only clue to my despair and doubt.

I waited but he never came.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **_

_I can't lie, I love the reviews. Come play over on the Second Chances thread on !!_


	7. Somewhere in Between

**Here we are back in the past, finding out what happened after that lovely Starburst moment. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, I still get overwhelmed by your reviews, please don't stop…**

**To the lovely ladies of Flywards Search Party over on twilighted, you rock!!! You make me happy!!**

**The song for this chapter is Lifehouse, "Somewhere in Between"**

_This is over my head but underneath my feet_

'_cuz by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat_

_And everything will be back to the way it was_

_I wish it was just that easy…._

"_Cuz I'm waiting for tonight_

_Then waiting for tomorrow_

_I'm somewhere in between what it real and just a dream…_

It had been a long week, literally. I was drained to my core and wasn't sure if I could even feel anymore. I was lying lifeless on my couch, one hand dangling over the edge, fingers absentmindedly brushing the floor. I could feel though, my body reminded me, the vague beginnings of a headache coming on, I seemed to have one every day this week. I attributed it to the funk I was in…one week ago I had the best experience of my life so far and then it was rudely ended and now, no w I was here…alone..by myself…on a Friday night again…waiting.

God ,was I tired of waiting. I felt like that's all I was doing in my life, moving from one point to the next…waiting for something, neither belonging here or there, somewhere between what I was and what I could be. I could never put my finger on exactly what I was waiting for, it was just this gnawing feeling in me that I wasn't complete, wasn't where I was supposed to be, but now I know what I was waiting for…I was waiting for him, for the feelings that have surfaced in me with the few short hours when I've been around him. It's only been a few weeks but I am surer of it than anything in my life…he's what I've been waiting for.

_And sure enough I was still waiting…_

He had been in my head all week but where I really wanted him to be was next to me, his hands on my body, his lips trailing down my neck…

_For god's sake Bella, get it together_

I sighed and thought about what to do for dinner, ice cream again or should I go out on a limb and have chips and salsa? I hadn't been able to even bring myself to cook, one of my fav hobbies. Again I chastised myself for being so lazy and moody.

_You were perfectly fine before you met him, you'll figure this thing out and be better by tomorrow._

Oh, if I only believed that…to really admit my truest feelings, I was heartbroken. He hadn't called me and worse than that I had the sneaking suspicion he was avoiding me. Paranoia rang in high at the top of my list when I was in a mood like this. I was one step away from living in a shack in the woods, spouting conspiracy theories, first the Unabomber, now Bella Swan…

I hadn't seen him hanging around the hospital and believe me I was looking, making up any excuse to go down to the ER or cafeteria anytime I heard a helicopter landing. But no luck, he just wasn't anywhere around. I had too much pride to ask about him, that would be the easy way out. Truthfully I was just scared to find out that indeed he was here in the hospital and my deepest fears would be reality, he just didn't want to see me. Not that in my state of mind I would even know what to say to him…

"_Hey want a Starburst?"_ how lame was that…just thinking about what happened when we kissed made me cringe. He probably got a good laugh out that with his friends…starbursts, what was I thinking!

I WANTED TO SCREAM!

I was so drawn to him and I didn't even know him, all it had taken for me was to taste him, the softness of his lips and I was done for. How had I let this happen to myself? I felt immature, like I was back in high-school, helplessly crushin on the popular boy that was always out of reach.

I had sunk deeper into my funk with each passing day since "the kiss". I ranted at myself, I moped, I yelled at my furniture asking it why he didn't call. I was, to put it simply…a mess.

I pulled my lazy ass up into a sitting position on the couch, surveying my hopeless disaster of an apartment. _Yeah if he could see me now, wouldn't he be impressed!_ I finally made myself stand up and shuffled into the kitchen and made myself my gourmet dinner of hand ground corn rounds with a delectable array of fresh vegetables and spices…or in the real world, chips and salsa. I went to my fav position on the couch and put on my go-to movie in times of… well any freakin time actually, that I needed to get away and push reality back a hundred years or more, _Pride and Prejudice_. I couldn't help it, I was a sucker for a man striding across a room or even better a field, hair in disarray, white shirt open at the neckline, jacket flowing behind him…whoa, girl slow down! I proceeded to lose myself in the world of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. I dutifully repeated my favorite lines, sighing at all the right places, lost in a world of stolen glances and wordy tributes. I was rudely interrupted by a distinct yet annoying buzzing sound…what the hale was that?

I got down on my hands and knees trying to follow the sound, it got louder as I came near to my coffee table. Then it came to me, it was my cell phone. I didn't even realize that I didn't know it was missing. That showed how far into my misery I was, not to even notice that my precious Crackberry was gone. I pushed a pile of clothes and magazines onto the floor, following the buzzing.

_A ha!! VICTORY! _

It was sitting under a pint of Dulce de leche ice cream…or should I say the remains of a pint of Dulce de leche ice cream…that bad boy had gone to its glorious demise sometime shortly after returning from "the kiss".

I grabbed at it, hoping the battery still held and saw the message that I had a new voice mail. I went to my call screen and about dropped the phone into the leftover ice cream…there on the screen was the name and number of Edward Cullen.

**EPOV **(one week ago)

EMMETT!!!

I yelled his name as I jumped on his back.

"What the hell…Edward, get off of me"

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what, you little monkey?"

"You ruined my…my…my moment, you ass!"

I had one arm around his forehead, pulling back on it, the other wrapped around his thick neck trying to cut off his air supply. I knew it was my only chance to win with him, if I could just hold on long enough, he would pass out!

"GET OFF!" he backed up and squished me between the wall and him.

"Alice" I yelled fighting for breath, "Help me!"

I heard her and Jasper come running up the steps, "What is going on..", her voice trailing off, then in the next breath,

"Edward Cullen, let go of Emmett's hair!"

"No, not until he apologizes!" _Gah, even to me it sounded girly, but hell, I was sick and tired of him and his joking, he took it too far this time._

"If you don't get him off me Alice, I'm not going to be responsible for what I do to him," Emmett warned.

Jasper tried to intervene next, "C'mon dude, you look ridiculous, this just doesn't look good."

As I turned my head to plead my case with Jasper, Emmett grabbed my feet and pulled me off his back, ripping my arms from around his neck, "Gotcha!" he smirked.

He pinned me to the floor and was threatening to spit on me like some 10th grade bully.

"Alright children, enough is enough", Alice scolded, "We have bigger problems here."

Emmett looked up at Alice, the only person who could make him feel bad for his behavior, a look of chastisement across his face. I used this to my advantage and gave him a Wet Willie in his ear, causing him to jump off me in surprise.

"Truce?" I said, holding up my hands. He just glared at me but didn't come any further.

"Ok, now that we're done with the school boy antics, what did you guys do to Bella?" Alice questioned.

She stood with her hands on her tiny hips, her eyes dark and glaring at both of us. That was one look I tried not to be on the receiving end of. In my defense I pointed at Emmett, "Funny guy here walked in on Bella and me and had to hoot and holler over the fact that we were kissing," I spilled out in a rush.

"What!" Alice squealed, jumping up and down, her whole demeanor changing.

"I'm so excited, you have to go after her Edward, no, wait I have a plan,ok, here's what we do…" she was talking a mile a minute and I'm pretty sure only small rodents and neighboring dogs could hear her.

"Slow down Alice, hold up, I'm not so sure she wants to see me again, she did run out of here pretty fast, and I think she was crying." Just the thought of her crying tore my heart apart, and the fact that I had anything to do with it made me feel like scum. She was so perfect and to see her in tears...as much as I loved Emmett, I wanted to punch him for what he caused.

"Pshhhht", Alice waved her hand, "that's not going to be a problem."

I looked up at her, "What is going to be a problem though is the fact that I have to leave tomorrow for my conference. I won't be back until late Friday. How am I supposed to fix this if I'm not here? Something like this needs to be done face to face, not over the phone. I don't want to mess this up any further."

I felt frustrated, this wonderful girl had come into my life, I couldn't stop thinking about her, she magically appears at my house, we kiss…then it falls apart in an instant. She had been in my thoughts constantly up to this point, I could still taste her on my tongue…I would never be able to eat another Starburst again and not want her.

I ran my hands through my hair wondering what had changed in me to make me act so out of character. I wasn't on to jump right into relationships with women, not after what happened with Tanya. But there was something about Bella, she made me feel wonderful just thinking about her. I felt like I had finally arrived….where and to what I didn't know but it just felt like I was finally where I needed to be. I found myself smiling at the very thought of her. I stood there lost in the moment, absentmindedly pulling on my hair. Bella was what was missing from my life, there would be no more waiting for the next big thing to happen, she was it for me.

"Oh", murmured Alice, "you got it bad."

I shook myself from my thoughts to find Alice staring at me, a huge smile plastered across her face. Emmett and Jasper on the other hand just stood there with their mouths hanging open.

"What?", I said indignantly, turning on them,

"You," I said pointing at Jasper, "should know exactly how I feel. I've had to listen to you and Alice moon over each other for years." At that remark, Jazz just smiled sheepishly putting his hands up in surrender.

"And you," I said advancing toward Emmett, "you're the reason for this whole mess, you owe me big! I'm not sure how but you're going to make this up to me and Bella. I don't want to hear another word from you….nothing, nada, zilch."

Emmett just grinned ,knowing when he was caught.

I turned quickly and left them standing there; ready to be on my own for awhile.

I still had this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach about how Bella was feeling right at this moment, was she still upset, crying, would she even want to talk to me again?

Enough…I decided then and there that I was not going to allow anymore negative thoughts to enter my head. There was something about me and Bella being together that just felt right. I took a deep breath in, knowing that Alice would help me with fixing this, I had complete trust in her. I still hated the fact that I had to leave not knowing how things stood between us but maybe being gone for awhile would be good…

_Yeah right Cullen, who are you kidding, you don't want to be away from her anymore than you already are now!_

I headed for my room, needing to pack. I was determined to have a plan in place for making this up to Bella before I left. It needed to be something not too big, something to put her at ease so I could show her how I felt about her and I certainly didn't want to embarrass her, though I did love to see that beautiful blush as it crept across her cheeks. I found myself smiling again at the thought of her as I puttered around packing my luggage. I turned on my IPod for inspiration and spent the next several hours forming my plan. I had totally embraced the fact that I had fallen hard for Bella Swan and now I was determined to make her mine.

**BPOV**

I didn't know what to do; I just stared at the phone. Should I listen to the message, was it from him, should I call back the number?

_Good grief Swan pull yourself together already, it was just a phone call._

It was while I was staring at the phone that I noticed just how many missed phone calls I really had. As I scrolled through the list I became more and more agitated as I discovered that most of them were from the same number, _his number._

I groaned and sank down onto the couch, feeling sick to my stomach. What had I done? I completely blew it, it looked as if he had been trying to call me all week…I shut my eyes trying not to cry. I had never thought to check my cell phone. With a trembling finger I decided to face my fear and I pushed to button to listen to my voice mail, see how much damage I had done.

_Hi Bella…this is Alice, Alice Cullen, Edwards's sister. I've been trying to reach you all week and I thought I might try just one more time. You left some things at the house last week and I wanted to give them back to you…um, I also wanted to see if you would be interested in meeting up with us tomorrow night? I really hope you get this message. Call me back if you want to. Bye, Bella._

I let the breath out that I wasn't aware I was holding. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. On one hand I hadn't missed all those calls from Edward, so he didn't think I was ignoring him. On the other hand all the calls had been from Alice so that meant that he hadn't even tried to get in touch with me. My head was pounding with all the possibilities.

Now I was faced with the question of do I call back? What if he answers, does he even know that his sister called me? I then remembered the second part of the call, inviting me to meet up with them. Would he be there?

My head chanted at me to suck it up and just call her back, my weaker heart was hiding in the corner rocking back and forth mumbling.

Before I could put anymore time into thinking about it I hit redial and took a deep breath…

_Hello?_

_Oh …um, hi, Alice?_

_BELLA!!! She screamed into my ear. I'm so glad you called. I've been so worried about you, and you wouldn't call me back…oh Bella!_

_I let out a weak laugh. So sorry to worry you Alice, I misplaced my cell and just now found it…_I took another breath and bit the bullet,_ um, so, you mentioned something about meeting you somewhere? _

_Oh yes, please say you'll come, it's really nothing big, just a bunch of us hanging out. Please come Bella, I really think you would enjoy yourself._

_Well, who's going to be there?_ I just had to know, I had to prepare myself…

_Oh just the usual crowd, myself, Jasper, a few friends…_

I tried to not sound disappointed, _so Edward won't be there?_

_Um, ya know, I'm not really sure…but please come, please, please, please Bella! Don't tell me no, just think about it, we're meeting at The Unicorn at 8 pm, really casual, just hangin out..._

_I'll think about Alice, thanks for the call, Bye._

Well, I didn't completely sound like a dork; and I meant what I said about thinking about it. Once again I found myself caught in between…here was a potential chance to possibly get the one thing in my life that I yearned for. Maybe I was making too much out of it but she said it would be fun and maybe he would be there…

I was overwhelmed by the evening, the week, everything. I stood up and made my way to the bedroom. I pulled my clothes off, dropping them on the floor. I slipped between the sheets, refreshingly cool and comforting, and snuggled into my pillow. I would sleep on it; maybe I would have the whole thing figured out in the morning, _if only it was that easy._

I let myself get pulled into the sweet peace that sleep was offering me, visions of dazzling white shirts and green eyes following me into my dreams.

**Ohmygosh….can you believe it, I wrote a chapter that you didn't need Kleenex for!! Leave me some love; I desperately crave your reviews!**

**Come play with us and the search party over on the Second Chances thread at www (dot) twilighted (dot) net!**

**Ch. 8 is already being written….**


	8. Bellas ResolvePart 1

We last left Bella undecided about joining Alice and possibly Edward to hang out… I don't think that choice is too hard to make but you never know about Bella…please read the A/N at the end!

_**Disclaimer:**_ not mine

**BPOV**

I rolled over in bed and was immediately assaulted with a face full of sunshine; I had forgotten to close my blinds again. It was full on summer already and I guessed the temperature at 6 am to already be in the mid 70's. I rolled back over willing myself to fall back to sleep and back into my dreams. All I could remember was that it had to do with something good and had brought a smile to my face before I was rudely yanked out of it...

OH! ohhhh, I suddenly bolted upright, I remembered now; I had been dreaming of a certain bronze god and possibly doing something with that same god…a god by the name of Edward Cullen. The realization that I may be seeing that god within the next 12 hours brought a flutter of panic to my stomach.

My leg started wiggling to its own rhythm, restless and anxious, I bit my bottom lip…

Was I really ready for this? My mind wandered over the past few weeks cataloguing my feelings, processing my thoughts, my wants and my desires into logical little piles…and then it just came to me, a feeling so right, so inexplicably right…all I could feel was happy.

A slow goofy grin spread across my face, this is what I wanted, _he_ was what I wanted.

No longer did I want to be stuck in the middle of my life unable to go back and change what was wrong in the past yet unwilling to reach forward and grab what I wanted. Somehow between Alice's call and my morning full of sunshine I had figured it out for myself. I could see what I wanted in my future: to be happy, to be unconditionally loved by someone and love that person back just as much, to know down to the tips of your toes that you belonged to someone. I knew that I always wanted that but now I had the resolve to go forward and get it. I had found someone who made me want to try to reach that goal.

I knew it was a long shot, we've only shared a kiss or two, but what was contained in those few brief moments was enough to give me a shred of hope that with time it could grow to so much more…I was a total sap, what could I say. I believed in the long glances across crowded rooms, stolen moments in libraries, how much could be found in words that weren't spoken aloud. I wanted the man striding across a field or in my sad case I would take striding across a room, with only me in his vision, only me he wanted to be with, me and only me…

I sighed heavily and flopped back on the bed covering my heated face with a pillow. I had felt the chemistry between Edward and I with that first kiss, had seen a lifetime of images scroll across my mind with the feeling of his lips on my neck. I had then spent the last week chastising myself so many times for being scared and running away. I didn't want to be _that girl_ anymore.

_No more, Bella Swan…now is your time, this is it…_I could hear the theme music to Rocky playing in my head…couldn't get any more dramatic if I tried I laughed to myself.

I threw the pillow off of me, slid out of bed and promptly fell on my ass getting out of bed, the sheets still tangled around my legs

_Well, that certainly didn't happen in Rocky, Bells._

I untangled myself and stood, a renewed energy pulsing through my system. I glanced at the clock to see how much time I had and laughed out loud…6:45 in the morning. At this rate I would wear myself out by noon. What to do with myself for the 10 or so odd hours I thought as I walked into my bathroom. I stopped to survey my bed-headed self in the mirror, surprised to find that I still wore my goofy grin.

I lifted my toothbrush in mock salute,

_Here's to you Isabella Swan and your new found resolve, now just find something to do before you drive yourself crazy!_

The girl in the mirror smiled cheekily back at me and I prayed to God that she would still be around later tonight when I needed her.

Ten hours, one spic and span apartment and a bag of Starbursts later I was tired but happy. I had found something for myself to do and had gotten through the day with only some mild daydreaming, I blamed it on the Starbursts.

I now was now contemplating my closet while hanging upside down across my bed. Alice had said casual so I felt pretty comfortable with that but was still hemming and hawing on just what the right amount casual was. I had already decided on my fav standby of jeans but what type was the conundrum: skinny, boot cut, loose, flare. I had them all depending on the mood of the day and how much ice cream I had eaten the night before. I played eeny, meeny, miny, mo and choose my skinny dark jeans. They were usually the jeans I went to when I wanted to feel good about myself, a little flirty but not over the top. I was just recently told by some odd duck last time I went out that my butt looked good in them. I personally didn't think I had any junk in the trunk but what the hell, maybe Edward would see differently.

Now Edward, there was a fine specimen of the backside region. I could just picture him in his flight suit, his waist tapering in, how smoothly the fabric hugged the curves of his ass…cheese on rice that boy was hot…

_Whoa, rein it in girl…_

I couldn't help myself though; I was feeling all sorts of new things today. I didn't know what my hands itched to do more: tangle in his hair or slid a bit farther down and squeeze!

A mechanical voice droned in my head, STAY ON TARGET! STAY ON TARGET!

That's what you get for watching Star Wars over and over again, random voices in your head quoting dating advice…hmmm, now that I think about it maybe that's where my love of men in uniform started…

With visions of flight suit clad men in my head I flipped myself on the bed realizing that time was a'wastin and I still needed a shower and shirt to complete my ensemble. Shirtless just didn't seem to fit the bill tonight, maybe some other night though…I groaned to myself, _what's up with the smut attack_, at this rate I would never make it out the door. I blamed it on too much vampire smut. Between Anita Blake and the hotter than hell boys of the BDB, I had some pretty frisky images floating around in my head lately.

I belatedly pushed thoughts of all things devious out of my head, focused my ADHD self back on the closet and picked out a top. I decided on a soft knit in a subdued coral shade with a scoop neck line. It had just the slightest girly touch of cap sleeves that gathered in, the waist was also gathered so that the top hung slightly over the tight band of the fabric that made up the bottom . It didn't quite reach the top of my jeans, so a small rim of skin peeked out when I moved. The back of the top was plain except for a keyhole opening at the top. It was one of my favorite tops and the color complimented my pale skin and looked killer with the dark rinse of the jeans. That last part came from the sales girl at the mall; I myself couldn't usually find the need to use "killer" when referring to my fashion choices.

Proud of myself for being able to focus long enough to pick an outfit out I then jumped in the shower. Once out, I stared at myself for a while in the mirror; hair up, hair down, hair up, hair down…The clock made the final decision as it was darn close to the time I needed to be leaving. I left my hair down to dry into its natural waves and decided to spend the extra minutes to mess with a touch a makeup, and when I say mess I literally mean mess.

I was a basic, no nonsense makeup gal. Cover up what looks bad and move on. Tonight I decided to spend a little more time on my eyes, going for that extra "pop". In doing so I nearly blinded myself with the eyeliner but hey, it looked pretty damn good if I did say so myself. I finished off with a swipe of powder and some tinted lip gloss. That was my one concession to vanity, I loved my lip gloss and didn't go anywhere without it.

I hurried myself out to my room, slid my jeans and top on, put on my favorite Rainbow flip flops and turned to do a once over in the mirror while sliding on some silver hoop earrings.

I couldn't be too critical on myself as I was feeling too giddy inside that nothing really could rain on my parade. I did a slow turn, flipped my hair over my shoulders, wiggled my ass and burst out laughing. I was officially a dork.

I grabbed my keys from the counter along with a small clutch for essentials like my cell and gloss and made my way out the door. As I turned to lock it I leaned my head against the frame praying under my breath for the right words to say, the grace to be able to walk in a straight line and not fall and for Edward Cullen to please, pleasepleaseplease be there tonight.

I walked to my truck looking over the MapQuest directions I had pulled up earlier. I knew vaguely where I was going but I wanted the extra precaution just in case. I got in the truck cursing the Arizona heat after burning myself on the steering wheel and I started on my way.

I had the air on full blast, my iPod blaring away, my hands pounding out a beat to the song. I was doing my best to not show up a sweaty, anxious mess by diverting my spinning head with music and before I knew it I was pulling into a strip mall that had seen better days. I certainly wouldn't have pegged this place as a Cullen hangout but if it meant Edward would be there I would go practically anywhere.

_Man, I was sounding downright pathetic…go anywhere for him?…well, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to get the hot piece of man that was Mr. Cullen._

I shut the truck off just enough to still have the air going and checked myself in the visor mirror for any of that oh, so glamorous sweat…_yeah, yeah, dry heat my ass! _I was still uttering my silent prayer over and over in my head and was hit with the vision of Will Ferrell's character from Talladega Nights when he's praying to baby Jesus. I always felt a little bit guilty for getting such a kick out of that but it was too damn funny not to laugh. I wanted to pray to sweet baby Jesus myself if it meant I was guaranteed a great night tonight.

I took one last deep breath, shut the truck off and walked to the door. I pulled it open, walked in and stopped, blinded by the difference between the glaring setting sun outside and the dim quarters in front of me. All I was seeing was spots.

I stood still, letting my eyes adjust, hoping I didn't look like too much of a dork. But before I could adjust my eyes fully, I was assaulted for the second time that day but this time it was in the form of a high pitched shriek.

"BELLLLAAAA", I could only assume it belonged to the pixie queen herself, Alice, "you came, you came, youcame, youcameyoucame!"

She grabbed me in a bear hug simultaneously shrieking and jumping up and down. I couldn't help but be infected by her overwhelming response and I found myself laughing along with her.

"Hi Alice, it's good to see you too!" I smiled.

She was beaming from ear to ear and grabbed my hand, dragging me over to a cluster of tables. By then my vision had cleared and I was able to quickly look ahead of me, on the lookout for a certain head of hair. Sadly enough I didn't see him but didn't have the time to register my disappointment as Alice quickly started introducing me to the others at the table.

"Bella, this is Jasper, he's mine if you remember, oh but of course you would remember."

Jasper stood up from his chair, came around the table and surprised me by giving me a quick hug, "Hey Bella", he smiled sheepishly, "let me apologize in advance for her. We don't let her be around other people that much." I could just pick up a hint of Southern accent in his quiet voice and before he could speak any further Alice socked him in the arm, "I heard that Jasper Whitlock, don't you pretend you don't love me for it either!"

"Wouldn't change a thing about you darling", he said, winking at me across her head then swooping down to kiss her soundly, silencing any more protests from her.

I sighed a big, long, pathetic sigh, internally that is. That in front of me was exactly what I wanted. You could tell Alice and Jasper were the real deal. They had the kind of love that was sung about, written about, dreamed about. Before I could get too mushified, Alice broke away from Jasper and turned to the other person sitting at the table.

In front of me was a beautiful blonde. I had not other words to describe her. She was a classic beauty that looked like she just stepped out of a Ralph Lauren ad; long blonde hair that hung in effortless waves down her back and framing her face, big blue eyes, and pink full lips. She unfolded her from-here-to-eternity-legs from under her and greeted me with a kiss to the cheek.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie, Rose for short. I'm a mechanic at the base where Edward works."

My jaw must have dropped…_a mechanic, that beautiful creature in front of me was a mechanic? andohmygodedwardhastoworkwithher?_

She saw my amazement and chuckled, throwing her hands up in the air, "What can I say, I like to get down and dirty."

"Nice one Rose, way to make a first impression." Alice rolled her eyes and before I could put too much more thought into how I felt about having to compare to the beautiful people Edward would work with, she was pointing out the other people in the room. They were all various work friends from the air base or worked with Jasper at the University.

"And this", Alice said as she turned in a circle, "is our little hole in the wall, I know it doesn't look like much but it's our place. We came here once, fell in love and never left."

She then proceeded to tour me around what turned out to essentially be a karaoke bar. Therewas a small stage to the left as you walked in and a long counter stretched the length of the back wall holding several microwaves. Alice explained one of the quirks of the place was that there was no grill, anything to eat had to be microwaveable so they menu consisted of everything from pizza rolls to popcorn. There was a beverage service for alcohol and sodas though. On the right side of the place there was a door that led to a small hallway. The left side of the hallway held the bathrooms and to the right was another open doorway that led to room that held a pool table and jukebox. Once back in the main room I could see that it mostly held tables and chairs.

She led me back to where Rose and Jasper where sitting and proceeded to pull out a chair for me. "So what would ya like to drink Bella?" She cocked her head to the side like a little bird and began listing the choices. Not being much of a drinker and disliking beer I listened for something I recognized and put in my order. Alice returned shortly with the drinks and I immediately grabbed mine, a Smirnoff Ice, happy to have something to occupy my hands with. I took a swallow thinking it's now or never and turned to Alice. Trying to look as nonchalant as possible I then asked if Edward was coming. I continued playing with the cap of the bottle, unable to meet her direct gaze.

When I did look up she had a triumphant smile on her face, "Oh, he'll be here shortly, him and Emmett are coming together."

"Oh, um, that's good, I um, haven't seen him lately at the hospital, so um, yeah…" I trailed off not wanting to let my feelings show through in my words. I again averted my eyes from Alice and her all-too-knowing smile. I felt as though she could see right through me.

I occupied myself by taking swallows of my drink and pretending to look around the place but kept darting glances toward the door. Before I knew it I had finished my drink and another had already been placed in front of me. _I had better slow down and break my nervous habit, at this rate I'll be drunk before he even gets here, that would make a great impression. First I run away from you then I throw up on you. He wouldn't be able to get away from me fast enough_.

My face flushed just thinking about it and I was just about to turn back to Alice when the door opened. I turned my head to see who our latest addition to the group was and was met by a sight I couldn't tear my eyes from. My mouth went completely dry, whereas other parts of my body became noticeably moist...it was as if it was a scene lifted straight out of my dreams,

_this is it Bella, you can do this…_

sure I could, but what I planned to do and what I did do were somehow not coming together. So I ending up sitting there with that same incredibly goofy grin on my face and stared…

**A/N:** Ah…left ya hanging!! (insert evil laugh here). No, really this chapter was already 3K+ where I stopped at and it wasn't even halfway done. So here's the deal. I've been bummed by lack of reviews though the number of ppl that have put this story on alert or favorite story has been awesome, so for all of you out there hiding in the shadows that have never reviewed here's your chance. Come on out and review and I'll post the second half of the chapter within the week! That's right, no more waiting a month or so, you'll get all your Edwardy goodness within a week!!

Also imma wondering if anyone would be interested in an EPOV outtake for the week he was OOT prior to this chapter? But wait, there's more… here's your chance to let me know, do you want another chapter that stays in the past or should we jump back to the present and see how Bella is faring? It's all up to you!!

REVIEW=LOVE!!!! Don't let the pregnant lady down!!! Come over and play on the SC thread at www (dot) twilighted (dot) net, it's under the Alternate Universe-Human thread!!


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